This was supposed to be How Did I Get Here, Part 2, but today's events take precendent...
This morning, I saw a post on craigslist (where I find everything I sell) for a pretty high graded Sandy Koufax rookie card (1955 Topps). Sells in the $800 range on Ebay, consistently. It was described as being in "a plastic case," which lead me to believe this was a person who didn't know what a graded card was (i.e., that it increases value, etc). I haven't had a chance to go into this yet, but basically, the only way to make any money at this is to COMPLETELY FUCK PEOPLE IN THE ARSE on their stuff. This makes me feel like a complete jerk... but also kinda good in a king of dipshits kind of way. I'll write at length on this subject soon.
So, I wrote and offered $300.
About an hour later, I got a call on my cell phone from an unknown area code. It was a very mentally impaired/retarded man named Edwin who, as soon as I had confirmed that I was the one who offered to buy his card, launched into a breathless rant about how his father had died and left him with a number of extremely valuable cards and his mom said he could do what he wanted with them and he really wanted enough money to buy an XBox and ran through all of his cards without pausing for a moment to let me react. At least, I'm pretty much sure this is what he was saying. He told me he'd take a picture of all the cards laid out on his bed (see photo with identifying numbers removed) and send it to me.
For the next hour or so, I figured I had me a great blog post brewing up about the greatest attempted scam I'd come across yet. Some guy with actor training putting on a voice of a retarded guy and offering to sell $200K dollars of vintage cards for less than pennies on the dollar (quick note: these are a greatest hits package of the most desired cards in unbelievable condition - auction house stuff). The mark gets greedy, sends a few hundred off and gets nothing, or a bag full of rocks in return. Lather, rinse, repeat.
About an hour later, I got a call on my cell phone from an unknown area code. It was a very mentally impaired/retarded man named Edwin who, as soon as I had confirmed that I was the one who offered to buy his card, launched into a breathless rant about how his father had died and left him with a number of extremely valuable cards and his mom said he could do what he wanted with them and he really wanted enough money to buy an XBox and ran through all of his cards without pausing for a moment to let me react. At least, I'm pretty much sure this is what he was saying. He told me he'd take a picture of all the cards laid out on his bed (see photo with identifying numbers removed) and send it to me.
For the next hour or so, I figured I had me a great blog post brewing up about the greatest attempted scam I'd come across yet. Some guy with actor training putting on a voice of a retarded guy and offering to sell $200K dollars of vintage cards for less than pennies on the dollar (quick note: these are a greatest hits package of the most desired cards in unbelievable condition - auction house stuff). The mark gets greedy, sends a few hundred off and gets nothing, or a bag full of rocks in return. Lather, rinse, repeat.
And what if it were on the level? Was I really cold hearted enough to steal money from a retard? Really? As I swam laps, I started to negotiate with my soul - well, you could give him several thousand bucks and he could buy every XBox game ever made. What could be happier than a retarded guy with 500 video games? Etc. Bad, bad thoughts.
So, while I argued with my soul, I got a call from the same number an hour or so later from his older cousin. He explained that, yes, Ed had "some mental problems," and they were in fact cards inherited from his extremely rich father, but he wasn't going to let him give them away -
- No, I wouldn't take advantage of someone like that...
...Dammit.
So, still talking about doing a deal, bankrolled by Mr. Bigtime in NYC, but it would be very high cost, comparatively low return. Still, not bad if it comes together.
You know, this is why I respect you so much. You may be politically skewed, but you're a deeply decent person whether you want to be or not.
ReplyDeleteYou didn't do the right thing, mookie. you were prevented from doing the wrong thing by a concerned cousin who's probably taking a cut of the card money. but i don't think you woulda gone through with it anyway, so i'll give ya credit for it.
ReplyDeletein any case, i think i WOULD have done so. that was my point.
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